i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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