you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
