Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
