Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
worst night to have a conscience
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
