btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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