I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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