I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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