How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
