Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
