I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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