This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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