Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
