Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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