I can text with my tongue
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
