Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
