No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
