You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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