the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
