My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
