I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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