wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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