Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
