Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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