Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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