1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
