Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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