I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
