Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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