respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
