i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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