I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
