This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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