Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
