apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
