Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
