when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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