i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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