i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
