I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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