hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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