so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
