just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
