Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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