i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
