Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
