yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
