we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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