hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just pee around me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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