Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
