My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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