maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
