if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
