tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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