Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
