i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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