remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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