I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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