Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
