Porn is love you can see.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am one with the molecules
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
