I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
