Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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