There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
