i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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