Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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