How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
