Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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