I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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