i permit you to call me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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