Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
