It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
