my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
