even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
