I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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