You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
