Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
