I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
