he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize